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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563887">Murder Snuggles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_secret_ninja/pseuds/the_secret_ninja'>the_secret_ninja</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Jim Holden/Naomi Nagata, Nightmares, Not Happily Ever After, Past Infidelity, Platonic? Snuggles, Post Book 4, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Unresolved Tension, before book 5, but there will be GROWTH, reference past childhood trauma, still working on tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:00:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_secret_ninja/pseuds/the_secret_ninja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After barely surviving Ilus, Alex and Amos find comfort in an evolving friendship that challenges them to confront their pasts.</p><p>No HEA ending.</p><p>Looking to commission a non-C** A***** based Alex Kamal fanart so I can change my headcanon. Comment/message if you're interested.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amos Burton/Alex Kamal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>eeee this is my first attempt at fic writing. have the first couple chapters written. Going to to try to update often. </p><p>Playlist:</p><p>Alex - Do I Wanna Know (The Arctic Monkeys), All of This (Blink 182 &amp; Robert Smith), Nirvana (Harry Fraud Remix) (Sam Smith)<br/>Amos - All I’ve Ever Known (Hadestown), Brother (The Organ)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex has always been something of a cuddle slut. He blames the large affectionate family he grew up with for that. <i>He never could get a damn second to himself. Always the runt at the bottom of the dogpile.</i> And now, here he is, drifting solo through the abyss, chatting with the <i>Roci</i> or himself more than he would like to admit. He cringes remembering the last layover in Tycho when he had tried out a brothel, one of them that specializes in platonic interactions. He had hired a professional cuddler for an hour. He had hoped it would help with...hoped he would feel...well he didn't really know what he had wanted out of it. Only that it didn’t damn feel right. Left him wanting... whatever the hell he was wanting more than he’d had at the start of that foolish endeavor.</p><p>He doesn’t know how to describe what he yearns for -- it’s kind of like this deep deep want to feel held. Something more than just skin against skin or the warmth of another body. </p><p>And that, surprisingly, is where Amos comes in. Now, the average person probably wouldn’t take the <i>Rocinante</i>’s bear of a mechanic for much of a cuddler. Amos has a dry kind of humor, but his amiable smile rarely meets his eyes and barely conceals the intimidating raw physicality that he projects.</p><p>But the average person is not a part of the ever-loyal and really fucking trauma-bonded crew of the <i>Rocinante</i>. And the average person is not the one Alex Kamal - a quirky Pakistani-East Indian pilot who loves ranchero music and can cook up a pan of space lasagna so good it’d make you want to slap yo’ momma. <i>The</i> Alex Kamal, who somehow convinced, the Amos Burton, a slightly terrifying Earther with a fierce protective streak, to cuddle with him once a week while they watch old Earther movies. </p><p>Tonight, they are watching a movie from close to three centuries ago, <i>Brokeback Mountain</i>. Alex doesn’t know nothin’ about it except that it has some cute cowboys that have the hots for each other and the film apparently caused some sort of raucous when it first came out.</p><p>The crew rooms were built to conserve space on a ship that was supposed to hold thrice the amount of crew. There are only a couple ways that Amos’ hulking frame and Alex’s curvy body can fit on the narrow bunks. </p><p>Sometimes they sit side by side, arms and thighs touching with their backs up against the wall. Sometimes Amos sits while Alex places his head on his lap. When Alex feels particularly touch-starved, he sits in front of Amos and leans back into his burly chest. Their legs stretched out in front of them. Tonight, they choose that position. </p><p>Alex taps at the screen above them and a 3D picture unfolds from the underside of the bunk. Blue lights flicker across their faces. </p><p>Alex snuggles into his friend and is rewarded with the tightening of the tattooed arm wrapped around his waist. The strum of a guitar fills the room and Alex breathes in wonder as a rolling blue sky fills his vision.</p><p>“Can you imagine living in a place with so much empty space?” Alex marvels.</p><p>Amos grunts, “Nah, not really.” </p><p>“Do you ever miss it?” Alex asks quietly.</p><p>“Miss what?” Alex mutters.</p><p>Alex looks over his shoulder incredulously, “You know, the sky, breathing air that doesn’t taste like air scrubbers.” </p><p>Amos shrugs, “Nah. I’m OK.” Amos nudges Alex gently, “You gonna talk through the whole movie?”</p><p>Alex grins and drawls, “You know I always do, hoss.” Amos huffs a laugh.</p><p>As the ill-fated love story unfolds, Alex can’t hold back the the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. Alex sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed as the credits roll.</p><p>“You okay there, partna?” Mocking Alex’s Texan drawl is one of Amos’ favorite past times and a surefire way to get the sniffling man to smile.</p><p>Alex gives him a watery smile, “Yeah...I mean...Fuck...no...” He stammers, “The thing is Ennis kinda got me thinkin of what my life coulda been...If I’d have stayed with...” He forces himself through the hurt that came with her name,”Talissa...” He keeps himself up at night wondering if the shame he feels now outweighs the regret he would have felt if he’d stayed. The weight of apologizes never rejected because they’d never been given has long settled in his chest. </p><p>Amos breaks Alex’s brooding silence, “I know what I’d have done if I were Ennis.” </p><p>Alex turns to look at him. “Let me guess...does it involve murder?”</p><p>Amos scratches at the scruff lining his jaw, a quiet smile playing on his lips, “Damn straight. I’d hitchhike down to Texas, grab Jack’s dumb ass, buy us a nice little cabin near my family. Make sure my wife and kids never want for nothin and if any redneck wanna come judge my shit they can have a nice conversation with my fist and my rifle.”</p><p>Alex laughs incredulously, “I don’t know whether to think that’s a sweet dream or incredibly terrifying... baddest motherfucking cowboy of Wyoming in the 1900s.” </p><p>“Fuck yeah” Amos whispers dreamily. Alex scoots back down on the bunk and faces Amos.</p><p>“You know the sad thing is...I think I’m so restless...even if I could find my own “Jack Twist” they wouldn’t keep me in that backwoods cabin for too long.”</p><p>“Yeah...same here.” Amos muses.  They both lapse into silence. Alex - mulling over his regrets. Amos - probably daydreaming about a rifle. </p><p>“So...uh...you bunking here tonight?” Amos grunts.</p><p>“Sure.” Alex rolls onto his side. “Thanks, bud.” As Alex drifts to sleep, he feels Amos’ arm wrap around his waist.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bad dreams, boners and bromance.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the comments and kudos! I'm playing around with tenses.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex wakes with a start, his heart beating. The dregs of an unsettling dream cloud his thoughts as he tries to reorient himself to reality. He grounds himself in the steady deep breaths coming from Amos and the press of Amos’ heavy arms.<i> It was just a dream. I’m okay</i>. Alex stretches his back, careful not to wake the sleeping mechanic. He’d learned his lesson a long time ago about suddenly waking Amos up. No early morning snuggles were worth a knife pressed against his throat. <i> Best to let sleeping dogs lie. Or whatever the Earther expression is. Not like I've ever seen a dog before.</i> He lies still trying to think of different things he can do to fill the time before they dock at Tycho. Alex is so lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice the change in the bigger man’s breathing.</p>
<p>“You’re thinking too loud.” Amos grumbles into the rumpled curls at the nape of Alex’s neck.. </p>
<p>Alex startles a little then settles back down. “Just thinking about what’s on my plate for the day.” </p>
<p>“Sure, Lexi.” The name evokes a bittersweet feeling that flickers in his chest and settles in Alex’s gut. He tries not to dwell on the fact that Amos only calls him “Lexi” during these quiet mornings when they lie nuzzled together, shifting in between sleep and consciousness. </p>
<p>Alex playfully nudges Amos and rolls over to face him, “Amos, you know I hate when you call me that.” He grumbles and moves to poke Amos in the chest. Amos catches his wrist, his sleepy expression suddenly turning intense and focused.</p>
<p>“You wanna know something else I know?” Amos asks.</p>
<p>Startled, Alex unsuccessfully tries to pull his wrist from Amos vice-like grip.<br/>
“Uh, I cry like a baby when watching gay cowboy movies?” He tries a self-deprecating joke to diffuse the tension.</p>
<p>Amos’ expression remains the same, “Look Lexi, a man like me doesn’t get very far in this world without learning how to figure out when people want something from him.”</p>
<p>Alex pushes aside the unease rising in his chest and tries again for levity, “Uhm...cool...okay. Look, brother next time I’ll pick a less sappy movie. Scout’s honor.” </p>
<p>Amos releases his wrist only to lean up and push Alex onto his back and crouch over him, thick muscled thighs straddle Alex’s furry thighs.<i> Okay. Was not expecting that.</i> Amos gives him a questioning look and drags his gaze down the length of their bodies. Alex follows his gaze, trying really hard not to check out Amos’ muscled torso, before stuttering and stopping over Amos’ morning wood showing through his boxers just inches apart from his own erection.</p>
<p>“Ah, Christ.” He moans mortified. “Fuck, I’m sorry dude. I had a uh...weird dream and...you know that Heath dude was pretty cute, amiright?” <i>If I make jokes this isn’t awkward, right? </i></p>
<p>Amos pulls the blanket from his waist and opens his legs a little wider so he can rest more of his weight on the pilot’s body. Alex feels his mouth go dry as he sees the outline of Amos’ erection shift along his muscled thigh. </p>
<p>“Stop making this weird, Lexi,” Amos demands, “Look, I might be missing something here, but from what I can tell, we’re two adults who spend a couple nights a week laying in bed next to each other pretending like we don’t have boners most of the time. It’s dumb.” <i> Well, when you put it like that it is a little...odd. But over a year spent on a ship creates strange habits.</i></p>
<p>Alex cringes at Amos’ words. <i>When had once a week turned into a couple nights?</i> He curses his dick for not obeying his silent commands to behave itself. </p>
<p>“Look,” Amos continues matter-of-factly, “It’s been a long ass time since either of us have gotten off with anyone else. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of my hand. We got a couple more days till we dock at Tycho. So why don’t we, uh, you know, help each other out?” Alex has never been propositioned before by an Earther before. <i> Wonder if it always feels like someone is asking me to make a decision to agree on whether they were gonna order the same old shitty Belter beer or spring a little more for some expired rum to be from Earth...or maybe this is Amos’ version of “charm.” </i></p>
<p>Alex seems to have lost the ability to do anything but stare bug-eyed and open-mouthed as Amos finished his “proposal.” When Alex finally finds his words, he is embarrassed by the hurt he can’t manage to keep out of his voice.</p>
<p>“Look Amos, you’re one of my best friends.” Amos simply blinks and nods and is if everything was fine.<i> Everything was not fine.</i></p>
<p>“No, you don’t understand like you are my best friend...I can’t...I can’t fuck you…” He internally cringes as he hears his voice rise a little higher with strain. He takes in a deep breath to continue but Amos cuts him off.</p>
<p>“Yeah...that’s fine, I don’t want to fuck you either...and yeah you’re a good friend too, so what?” This emotional whiplash is leaving Alex feeling disoriented. He can feel a tension headache coming on.</p>
<p>“Ummm...okay I’m confused. Didn’t you just say we should fuck eachother?” </p>
<p>“Nah. I said we should help get each other off. There’s like a whole word of fooling around between spooning and fucking.” <i>Right. Yeah. Totally obvious. </i></p>
<p>“Amos, I…look I’m not going to lie and say I’m not attracted to you. But I don’t want to ruin a friendship for a couple orgasms. This” He gestures between them “is really important to me and I...I...kind of need this to not get fucked up by feelings and bullshit.” <i> Especially not after the shitshow that was Ilus.</i></p>
<p>Amos quirks his head, confused, “What the fuck’s feelings got to do with any of this, Lexi? I want to give you a blow job, not be your fucking wife.” Alex cringes at the word “wife.” The mismatch between Amos’ incredulous frustration and Alex’s confusion is making the pilot’s head spin.</p>
<p>Alex rolls his eyes. <i> For all his surprising affectionateness, Amos can be really obtuse when it comes to emotional intelligence. </i> </p>
<p>“Oh come on, Amos. Sex or like not-sex but other things is bound to complicate things. Look, I get that you’re basically this surprising cuddly but lethal murdor robot, but if you haven’t noticed I’m a pretty anxious divorcee with a lot of hang ups. I can’t just go from platonic sleepovers to blow jobs and just pretend that nothing’s different.” At this point, Alex is gesturing widely, his hands bare inches from Amos’ face.</p>
<p>Amos pauses to consider Alex’s words for a couple moments, “Huh. weird. Um... sooo you’re saying no?”</p>
<p>“Yes...I mean fuck um no. Like yes, I am saying no. We’re not gonna do this.” <i> So articulate. Jesus, this whole conversation is really fucking with my head. </i></p>
<p>Amos waits a beat, then just shrugs and shifts his weight off the smaller guy and lays back down. “Aight. Cool. You mind if I get a couple more winks in here?” </p>
<p>Alex starts at the ceiling incredulously. “Fuck you, Amos. Whatever.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, bro.” Amos mumbles and starts snoring immediately. Alex just glares at the ceiling, repeating that rodeo of a conversation over and over again in his head. <i> What the hell just happened? </i></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Short scenes as the Roci crew comes to the end of their return from Ilus. Alex has great communication skills.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Holden and Naomi notice that Alex has started spending almost all nights over at Amos’ they don’t give anything away. One early morning, Alex steps out of Amos’ cabin only to run directly into a very groggy Holden cradling his sealed cup of coffee to his chest. </p>
<p>“Howdy, cap!” Alex exclaims, forcing casual cheerfulness to cover his sudden nerves.</p>
<p>Holden barely changes his course and just responds with a mumbled “Nrghhorn.” His furros on his brows deepen even further with the effort. <i>Classic. </i> Alex chuckles and makes his way to the galley. He’s too antsy to get back to sleep anyhow. <i>Nothing settles the nerves like cooking up some grub. </i> </p>
<p>Naomi finds him muttering to himself while working over a piece of dough he was hoping to turn into naan later that day. Alex startles at her soft chuckle.</p>
<p>“What did that piece of dough ever do to you?” Naomi jibes. Alex turns to her confused and then looks down at the pulverized gooey mess in front of him.</p>
<p>“Oh! Shoot! Yeah, I guess I am going a little tough on ya, aren’t I” Alex affectionately pats the dough into a ball, places it in a bowl, and puts it to the side. </p>
<p>He sheepishly moves about the kitchen cleaning up the mess he just made. </p>
<p>“Something grinding your gears, cowboy? or someone, maybe ” Naomi asks teasingly.</p>
<p>Alex turns to face his engineer, careful to avoid her eyes. Something about Naomi’s gaze always seems to leave him feeling super raw - as if he’s suddenly unable to cover up the broken bits of himself he usually likes to tuck away from the world. He used to think it was because of his crush. <i>Or maybe broken just recognizes broken. I mean, isn’t that why this crew works so well. We all have baggage that we pretend doesn’t exist. Until that baggage is literally exploding. Like when Holden was carrying around an alien in his head.</i> Ever since Naomi and the cap started shacking up the deeping pervading pain he usually senses had dimmed a bit, but Alex still could feel it. He wonders when Holden will notice any of it or if that silly Earther boy will always be too caught up in his brooding idealism to ever notice. <i>Naomi probably likes keeping that it hidden from her dreamer.</i> He knows how it feels to constantly hide pain from a partner. Hopefully cap and Naomi will fare better than his marriage. <i>Wow. Way to get lost in an anxiety spiral.</i> </p>
<p>Alex nervously fiddles with his beanie and leans back against the counter. “Uh...you got me there, hoss.” </p>
<p>“Amos.” Naomi nods with a small knowing smile.</p>
<p>“What a damn fool.” Alex concedes.</p>
<p>Naomi gives him another small smile. “Well...if you ever want to talk, you can always...” She trails off as Alex starts shaking his head before she can even finish the sentence</p>
<p>“...or if not, I got some thoughts on how to improve the comms system that I’d like to run by you.” Alex nods and follows her to the flight deck.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Alex wakes up feeling like he’s been bracing for impact all night. He tries to shake away the clawing feeling of dread and terror but he’s still trapped in his dream. In his dream, he was watching the shockwave ripple across llus’s surface again. <i>A hundred foot tidal wave is rolling towards settlers and my Roci fam and there is nothing I can do.</i> Sometimes he’s trapped in his crash couch watching the horror from afar. Last night, he was a part of the wave bringing destruction and death on those he loved.  </p>
<p>Alex turns over to look at Amos hoping to ground himself in the warmth and hulking presence.<br/>Alex yelps when he sees Amos staring right at him. “Shit, you look worse than me after a bender on Caprica.” Amos deadpans. A grouchy retort forms on Alex’s lips, but he stays silent as Amos pats Alex on the cheek and then pulls him over so they can spoon.<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Alex records and erases a message for Talissa for what must be the 100th time in the past hour. Disgusted, he growls in frustration and slams the flat gray electronic disc against the workstation. Both the display and the workstation started glowing red with error messages. <i> Fuck! I need to get off this damn ship.</i></p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Alex slams into the mechanical bay, chest heaving. </p>
<p>Amos puts down the gizmo he’s crouched over and nods at the flickering hand terminal, Alex shoves into his face. </p>
<p>Alex, now feeling sheepish, waves the hand terminal around a little more.</p>
<p>“Um...I...dropped it?”</p>
<p>Amos smirks, “For someone whose livelihood depends on the use of your hands, you seem to be really good at “dropping” things in 0 g.” </p>
<p>Alex looks inward for a convincing excuse and quickly gives up.</p>
<p>“Yeah...it’s uh...weird.” He fiddles with his beanie and shoots Amos a cheeky grin.</p>
<p>Amos steps closer to take the terminal from Alex’s hand. His thumb brushes along the underside of Alex’s wrist as he takes the crackling machine from the pilot. </p>
<p>The sensation sends a small shiver through Alex. As he steps away, he flips a bench out from the wall and sits down trying to not overthink that light touch. <i>But the thing is that it isn't even just about that brush to his wrist.</i> Amos has been kind of “touchy.” If that’s a word that can be applied to the hulky mechanic the past week. The other day, Alex had almost jumped out his skin when Amos placed his hand on the pilot’s waist while moving past him in the galley. And there was the time when Amos came to check up on the command center and leaned in close from behind to whisper in Alex’s ear as he talked through which switches and knobs were a little sticky. It’s not like their weekly  cuddles didn’t sometimes lead to other sort of platonic touching but this was starting to feel <i>different.</i></p>
<p>“So uh,” Amos’ gruff voice cuts through Alex’s thought spiral, “You still bugging out over me asking if you wanted to jerk off the other day?”</p>
<p>“Oh..um, what? No. No. Yeah whatever! Water off a duck’s back. Don’t worry about it, bud.”</p>
<p>Amos briefly looks up from his tinkering,“Don’t really know what ducks have to do this, but cool.” He pauses to wipe sweat off his face with the bottom of his tank. Alex tries not to stare at his abs. </p>
<p>Alex fidgets with the zipper on his jumpsuit and takes a breath, “Sure, I mean...maybe this is all in my, uh, nogan, but I do feel like maybe you’ve been different.” He draws out the end of his sentence making each word sound like a question. <i>Wow. This is going great.</i></p>
<p>Amos walks over to a diagnostic station and starts running tests on the hand terminal. “Different? Um...bro can you bring me the whatchamacall it from the blahblah” That’s not actually what he said, but Alex is so caught up in his internal monologue that he doesn’t quite catch what Amos is saying.</p>
<p>“Yup. No problem.” Alex mumbles as he pretends to look for whatever the hell Amos just asked for. “Yeah...you’ve been...you know, it’s confusing...kinda maybe a little touchy...but not in your usual scary murdery mood swing way...but in a physical flirty way.” </p>
<p>Amos continues tinkering with the terminal and offers Alex a noncommittal “Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“<i>Uh huh?</i> That’s your answer to my question?”</p>
<p>Amos stands back from the terminal and turns to walk towards Alex who is still bent down pretending to be really busy finding the whatchamacallit in the tool box. Alex stands up to face Amos.</p>
<p>“Yeah...I don’t think I heard an actual question in there. Hand terminals fixed. Try to not break it again.” Amos gives him a wink and a suggestive once over before walking out the room mumbling some excuse about needing to see Naomi about a thing.</p>
<p>Alex lets out a disappointed sign. “Fucker.” Alex mumbles in the empty room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Roci reaches Tycho. Amos has a surprise for Alex.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the <i>Roci</i> approaches Tycho, Alex feels a strange mix of relief, regret and anxiousness. As much of a space cowboy as he was, it’d be nice to set foot on something that wasn’t an alien hell plant. The <i>Roci</i>’s walls usually provided him comfort, but even after scrubbing the rest of the protomolecule goop from the cargo hold, the ship still seemed haunted by the terrifying and bat shit events of <i>Ilus</i>. <i>It’s also going to be nice to have some space from Amos and his...antics.</i> Though, he will miss the movie nights and the special safe space they’d carved out for themselves while traveling through the vacuum. Even if their dynamic has gotten a little <i>weird</i>. There was also another part of Alex that really liked having his <i>Roci</i> fam all safe and contained on the ship. <i>If one of these fuckers gets held hostage another time, I’m gonna have a damn stroke.</i> After the year they had, he hoped they would have time to regroup and rest up, but Lord knows how good Holden is at finding fucked up shit to stick his mopey face in. </p>
<p>
The dashboard beeps as Alex gets the OK to begin docking. 
</p>
<p>
 Alex flicks on the intercom. “Alright, Cap. Got the go to begin docking. Tell me when.”
</p>
<p>
 “Bring us in, Alex. As always, it’s a pleasure to ride with you.” Holden responds in an overly seriously <i>I-am-the-Captain-tone</i>. Alex thinks he hears Naomi snickering in the background.
</p>
<p>
  “Roger that. All your asses better strapped down. See you on the flip side.” Alex clenches his teeth as they decelerate and the gravity drugs hit his system. 
</p>
<p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
</p>
<p>
 Alex is showered and in his room for all of 30 minutes before the restlessness and urge to message Amos sets in. <i>Fuck this. Stop laying here like a sappy sack of rocks waiting for your girlfriend to text you and go get drunk and laid.</i> He’s not a rookie anymore. He knows how to deal with some post long-haul blues. Alex jumps up to grab a fresh pair of coveralls and a nice undershirt. He startles at the sound of someone pounding on his door. Before he can yell “who is it?” Amos strolls in like he owns the place.
</p>
<p>
 “Yo, cowboy. What’s in store for tonight? I found this show called cowboy beebop. It’s like cowboys in space, but with huge guns and shit. Seems cool.” Amos plops down on Alex’s bunk and starts to take off his boots
</p>
<p>
 Alex rolls his eyes and grabs his beanie. “Oh um, Bud, I was actually just heading out.” He goes for nonchalance but ends up turning it into an unsure question. <i>Why do I always turn into a awkward teenager around this man.</i>
</p>
<p>
 Amos pauses while untying his other boots and tilts his head to look up at Alex from the bed. Alex fusses with the position of his curls under his beanie while pretending not to be overly anxious <i>or hopeful</i> about Amos’ response.
</p>
<p>
  “Yeah. Sure.<i> Bud.</i> There’s actually this spot in the South corridor that I thought sounded cool. Got the password from a friend. I’ll grab my terminal and meet you in the galley.” <i>Password?</i>
</p>
<p>
 As he exits, Amos brushes by Alex, pats him on the shoulder and winks. “See you in five, cowboy.”
</p>
<p>
  <i> Thought you were going solo tonight.</i> Alex mocks himself. But maybe tag teaming could be helpful. Alex <i>is</i> feeling a bit rusty and Amos has never wanted for partners. Alex looks in the mirror and considers his reflection. <i>My curls look great tonight.</i> He mimes shooting two guns at his reflection and winks. <i>Go get em cowboy.</i>
</p>
<p>
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
</p>
<p>
 “Yup this is it.” Amos grunts and stops in front of what looks like a cordoned off section currently under construction. Amos ducks under some caution tape and heads deeper down a decrepit looking side alley.
</p>
<p>
 Alex sighs. <i>Of course. The cool spot would be some shady dump.</i><br/>
“Dude. This kinda looks like a dead end. You sure we didn’t make a wrong turn? Let me take a look at that map on your terminal.” Alex grunts as he maneuvers over and under debris and caution tape.
</p>
<p>
 “Nah. This is the right spot.” Amos stops in front of the entrance to a maintenance tunnel and starts fiddling with his terminal. “Hurry up old man.” He calls over his shoulder.
</p>
<p>
 Alex gives him an incredulous look, “I didn’t put on my snazzy new pair of coveralls to get all mucked up in a damn tunnel. Let’s just try the joint we passed ten minutes ago.” <i> Last time he tries to party with this damn Earther. </i>
</p>
<p>
 Amos ignores his whining and presses his terminal against the monitor next to the lock. Alex hears a small click and then the entrance pops open. Alex jumps back startled and is about to renew his protests when he hears a couple familiar notes coming through the open door.
</p>
<p>
 Amos grabs his arm and hauls him in.
</p>
<p>
 As soon as they step through security, Alex stops in his tracks, a huge smile slowly spreading across his face.
</p>
<p>
 “Aww shiiit. I knew it! Is this fucking <i>country music</i> I hear?”
</p>
<p>
 Amos bumps Alex with his shoulder and winks, “Yessir. Found a little honky tonk party for my favorite pilot. Supposed to have line dancing and something called a mechanical bull...whatever the fuck that is.” Alex needs to do something about the weird flippy thing his stomach does whenever Amos winks at him.
</p>
<p>
 “Mechanical bull?! Holy shit I have only seen a picture of one of those.” Alex yeehaws as they walk on to the dance floor and grins wider when a couple patrons whoop back in response.
</p>
<p>
  Amos leads them over to the bar against the wall and finds a nook in a corner. He nods at a waitress who blows him a kiss and drawls, “Howdy A-man” before pouring out a row of shots.
</p>
<p>
 Alex shoves his friend playfully, “<i>A-man?</i> Who the fuck is that? How do you know that waitress? Is that Martian whiskey?” He can barely contain his excitement.
</p>
<p>
 Amos ignores his questions - as usual - slides two double shot glasses in front of his pilot and orders, “Less questions, more drinking.” 
</p>
<p>
Alex obediently downs his first shot, “Shit. Don’t have to tell me twice.” <i>I like it when you’re bossy.</i> Fuck. He needs to get his ass laid and stop jonesing for his bud.
</p>
<p>
A Martian drawl blares over the speakers, “Alright, alright, ladies and gents and errbody in between. We’re about to start the line dancing lessons. Take that shot and move your booties over to the floor.” A bedazzled elder South Asian man with vintage actual fucking <i>jean overalls</i> and a cowboy hat stands on a platform on the opposite side of the bar. His sequins glint in the floor to ceiling mirror behind him. 
</p>
<p>
Alex downs his next shot and looks at Amos expectantly. He slides off the bar stool and starts moving towards the dance floor.
</p>
<p>
 Amos puts his hands up and shrugs, “Nah, that line shit is not for me. I’m just gonna talk with my friend over here.” He winks at the waitress who grins back. Alex rolls his eyes and pretends not to be disappointed - or he means - jealous. <i>Of course</i> Amos already had his eyes on someone.
</p>
<p>
 “What you scared of a little two step, hoss?” He ribs his friend, hanging back even though he knows he should find a spot on the floor.
</p>
<p>
Amos furrows his brow and pauses while moving a third shot to his lips, “I don’t feel fear.” He deadpans.
</p>
<p>
Alex and the waitress share a brief look at bewilderment. <i>Oookay. Weirdo.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Amos proposes a creative way out of an uncomfortable situation</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay...so after taking a break I've decided that I'm not gonna finish this fic because I can't get C** A***** out of my headcanon and it's really stopped me from being able to write this and feel safe and joyful</p><p>Got an Amos/Holden fic in the works that I will try to post soon.</p><p>Thank you all for the sweet comments and hits!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three hours of hip swinging, kick ball changes and heel kicks later, Alex is a tipsy and very very happy Martian. He is so charmed by the dance instructor and blown away by the other folks on the dance floor that he almost doesn’t notice Amos isn’t paying him any attention cuz he’s flirting with the barmaid. <i>Almost.</i> </p><p>The instructor raises the old fashioned mic to his lips to announce the next song, when all of a sudden the power cuts out and the bar is flooded with the blinding white glare of flashlights, the sound of heavy military mag boots and shouting voices. </p><p>An announcement declaring that this an illegal <i>Duster</i> gathering and ordering all patrons to lay down the weapons and get on the floor barely reaches Alex’s ears over the sounds of yelling. <i>Weapons? This is a dance party, not a military meeting.</i> After the end of the armistice, harassment of Martians had started to rise in the Belt, but shutting down parties was a new move. Alex retrieves a flashlight from his belt and attempts to head towards where he thinks an exit might be. After several close calls with slaphappy Belter goons, he manages to make it behind an overturned table in a corner. Alex flips on his hand terminal hoping to send an SOS to Amos or anyone on the <i>Roci</i> crew. If he ends up being thrown in some brig, he doesn’t want Holden to start another fucking war playing the righteous hero.<br/>
Alex flinches when the table he’s crouching behind is picked up by a hulking figure and thrown into two very pissed off men. </p><p>“You enjoying hiding behind the table or are ya ready to head out?” Alex sighs in relief when he recognizes his mechanic. He scrambles to his feet and tries not to look sheepish.</p><p>“I wasn’t <i>hiding</i> I was strategically planning my exit.” Alex retorts. </p><p>Amos smirks, “Uh huh. Right well, I’m down to knock over a couple more Golden Bough guys if you want more time to, uh, <i>strategize.</i>” </p><p>Alex is about to sass back at Amos when he hears a loud bang and gas starts to fill the room.</p><p>“Fuck you and let’s get the hell out of here.” Amos rolls his eyes and drags his pilot through the frantic crowd. Alex tries to imagine that what he feels under his feet are fallen plates and glasses and not people. </p><p>Amos pulls them behind the bar and starts fiddling with one of the cupboards storing liquor.</p><p>Alex scoffs, “Bro, it’s not the time to try to lift some bo--.” He stops short when Amos flips some switch and a hidden door is revealed along the wall. Amos pulls both of the men in before they can be seen and clicks the door shut. </p><p>Alex yelps as Amos drags them both down a narrow dimly lit corridor. After about ten minutes Amos opens another door and pulls them out into an open corridor a couple yards away from the nearest tube station.</p><p>Alex lets out another sigh of relief and starts heading towards the platform. </p><p>“I don’t know what that creepy corridor was, but thanks, brother.”</p><p>Before Alex can step out into the clearing, they hear a blare of a radio. </p><p>Amos pulls them into a barely concealed corner near a boarded up entrance.</p><p>Exasperated, Alex bends over with his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. </p><p>“Why do I always end up running from folks with guns whenever I go out with you?”</p><p>Ignoring him, Amos pushes his pilot further into the corner and positions his body in front of Alex, shielding him from the incoming patrol. Alex sees him start to pull his gun from the holster in the back of the pants and makes a <i>very dignified but also kinda squeaky</i> sound of alarm. </p><p>“Whoa! Amos! No. No guns.” Alex grabs Amos’ arms and tries to stop him from unholstering his gun.</p><p>Amos spins them both around so that Alex’s back is now facing the open space and deftly removes Alex’s hand from the gun. Alex can’t tell if the world is spinning because of the whiskey, all of Amos’ twirling, or the fact that he’s pressed up against his mechanic in a dark alley. <i>It’s probably the whiskey...Probably.</i> Alex steadies himself by gripping the front of the other man’s vest and tries not to think about the hard muscle he can feel through the sweaty clothes.</p><p>“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Lexi. It’s set to stun and I got a couple flash bangs in my shoe. I’ll just create a distraction and we can make it to my spot.” Amos replies and unclicks the safety while scanning the corridor over his pilot’s shoulder. <i>His spot?</i></p><p>“Kiss me.” Alex blurts out.</p><p>The bigger man barely acknowledges Alex’s proposition, but he does shoot the other man a quick considering look before returning to scan the alleyway. The footsteps and muffled chatter get louder.</p><p>“Um...weird timing hoss. Look it’s a lot easier when I’m looking in the direction I’m shooting but I can probably still pull this off if you wanted to hook up now.” Amos mutters as he starts to untangle himself from Alex.</p><p>Alex tugs Amos towards him till they are fully pressed against each other. He leans up to block the bigger man’s view of the alley while he tries to box Amos’ shooting arm in with his body. He’s not at all embarrassed that he has to push up on his toes a little to block the guy’s view.</p><p>“Christ. No, I meant...I have an idea. Kiss me. We’ll pretend like we’ve just been fooling around over here and not running away from some illegal party.”</p><p>Amos pauses for a minute and purses his lips thoughtfully. Alex holds his breath while balking at his impulsive suggestion. <i>Blargh! Fuck. Awkward. Fuck. Is getting detained for public indecency better than running from a speakeasy? Fuck.</i></p><p>Alex flinches when he hears the sound of the patrol rounding the corner. He senses Amos tense as he prepares to lift his gun. Before things can escalate, Alex quickly leans in to press a hard kiss to the taller man’s mouth. </p><p>Amos lets out a surprised <i>mpffhh</i> but still cradles Alex’s nape with one big hand and deepens the kiss. <i>Fuck.</i> All those times imagining what it would feel like to kiss Amos does not even begin to compare to all the sensations he’s feeling right now. Alex relishes the feel of his stubble scratching against Amos’ surprisingly soft beard. The bigger man nips and sucks at Alex’s bottom lip. With a small moan, Alex opens his mouth to let Amos’ tongue in. </p><p>He doesn’t know whether it’s the adrenaline rush from running or the synthetic whisky but Alex feels his knees shaking as the burly man presses hungry, greedy open-mouthed kisses to his mouth.</p><p>Alex is pulled out of his reverie when a beam of light spotlights the two men. </p><p>“Tensha! Vedi inyalowdas fong welwala imbobo rowm. Milowda leta-go tolowda fongi fode!” Alex tenses and freeze. His ears strain to make out the Belta creole, but the basic lang training he got in MCRN doesn’t really help with saying anything other than “Where is the embassy?” or “I went to university on Londres Nova.” To the Martian’s surprise, Amos continues kissing him with the same amount of fervor and only moves to start sucking at the pilot’s neck. </p><p>“Kemang tolowda? Keting nem tolowda?” The men press in and raise their guns.</p>
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